Our bean bag sat deflated and flaccid like some limp, shapeless animal. We pitied the poor fellow ,but waited for him to wear himself out more and die a natural death.In the last 4 years,he’s faithfully supported many butts and has served us well.We felt bad that we had to let him go.Then,someone told us about refills available to revive dying bean bags and we were excited that our friend would be saved.
We had no idea how treacherous and painful the whole process would be .. It ranks among the top 3 most challenging things I’ve ever done in my life .You think I’m exaggerating?
In our state of unbridled wide-eyed fascination for the magic of “beans”,we inverted the humongous sack of beans into our limp friend.Coffee with Karan was on and we momentarily got carried away by some bitchy exchange on the screen, hoping that our friend would get plumper by the minute with the beans getting pumped into him.A few minutes later,we sensed something rubbery rolling around our feet.Hallucination?
No. Blasted beans all over the floor.Merry and Round. White monsters. Mocking us.
How the hell did they slip out,we asked ourselves.
KJO was the culprit,he made us lose focus,I said.
That’s bull. The opening was too small, the spouse opined.
It was then that I saw what had been staring us us all along. The opening was too small and this bean-diarrhea was bound to happen.
I am convinced now that the small slit is a private joke of the bean bag manufacturer. Constructed that way to test people’s patience. And let’s not even talk about how slimy these beans are..They get blown away,with the tiniest of movements by anything within a one mile radius around them(ok,slight exaggeration here.)
Result: We had fractals of bean design on the floor, that got changed every time we moved toward it.Our mosaic-ed white floors added to our misery,making giving the white monsters the camouflage they needed. It was then then that we realized that the cutesy-looking ,otund shape was just a ploy to fool us. The beans were mean patience-testing objects of torture.
Armed with our knowledge about beans,we decided to forgo the KJO episode and channeled our energies into picking the stray orphans off the floor.Half an hour passed and we were still on our knees fishing individual beans and transferring them into the bag.
“I never knew it was so difficult.” The spouse added deflatedly.
I didn’t have to say anything.
Three fourth of the sack still stared back us sarcastically as if it was saying “Hey losers,just 1/4th down.Education blunts common sense,you know.”
We flinched. We couldn’t let a bunch of freaking thermocol make us look stupid. We bought out a bunch of ammunition to counter our enemy.
Funnel made out of paper
Finally,settled for a small-necked utensil after rummaging through my kitchen.
An hour later,after several hundred beans “inadvertently” fell out off the utensil,the task was finally done.
We studied our handiwork with satisfaction. Our friend did look a little limp,but what the heck, he was the result of our hardwork. I don’t recall having toiled this much ever ..
A week has passed since the refill and every day I find a new bunch of runaway beans tucked in the most unexpected places. I found a few inside the washing machine yesterday!. The nerve of those idiots. So,in a way my house has become like some treasure island.
Next time around,we’ve decided to outsource the job to someone with a better hand-eye coordination or throw the damn bag away and get one with a bigger slit.
Oh,I hate the sight of those tiny,white monsters now.They taunt me in my dreams too. No,I’m not giving up till my house is exterminated of all traces of those irritating, puffy thingies.
It’s a war and may the best side win!